Thursday, December 4, 2008

Action items for a vacillating mind

This year has been a year of turmoil. Accident, distance from parents and brother, unplanned trip, unplanned expenditure, work reduction, career stagnation, good friends' farewells are Maddy's personal problems. Global financial meltdown too is bothering him. All these things are driving him crazy and confused. Currently, Maddy is getting lot of information and lot of distractions. His mind has never been this vacillating. When you plan so much despite being very busy there is a possiblity that you run into mental depression. That is the last thing Maddy would want to get into. He is comparable to the confused Arjuna. Fortunately, Venkat was like Krishna and it all happened during December 02, 2008. Venkat was driving Nissan Maxima though :). Maddy felt that Venkat showed him the right path for his intellectual well-being and career growth.

So, what is Maddy's action plan?
* Stop surfing internet too much
* Gather only information that is relevant
* Get into learning mode seriously and channelize every thought towards his goal
* Accomplish the first milestone towards the goal by his next Birthday (Aug 2009)

Unnecessary information is Maya. Be clearer Maddy. You have much more to accomplish in your life.

சக்திகொடு சக்திகொடு
இறைவா இறைவா

தாயும் நீயே தந்தையும் நீயே
உயிரும் நீயே உண்மையும் நீயே

வெள்ளத்தில் வீழ்ந்தவரைக் கரையேற்ற சக்திகொடு
பள்ளத்தில் கிடப்வரை மேடேற்ற சக்திகொடு

முடிவெடுத்த பின்னால் நான் தடம் மாற மாட்டேன்
முன்வைத்த காலை நான் பின் வைக்க மாட்டேன்

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Gita Jayanti

In the penultimate week, Maddy went to Kunal bhai's home. He went along with Yogesh and Rakesh. It was a pleasant evening in Glendale. Reaching there, he met 4-5 people more. They gathered to discuss on Gita (Bhagwat Gita). Kunal bhai and Kajal bhabhi co-ordinated the discussion. Kunal bhai started with everyone about how much they happened to know about Gita. Some people were totally unaware. Maddy was brought up with predominantly Shaivite beliefs. His acquaintance with Gita was miniscule. He announced it to them. Kunal bhai and others were encouraging everyone to participate in the dicussion.

The Yuva Kendra conducts elocution competition on Gita to increase awareness amongst youth every year. The meeting was supposed to invite speakers for the competition and give them some pointers for the speech. People discussed about selflessness, dilemmas, yoga, attached dettachment (ஒட்டி ஒட்டாமல் இருத்தல்), aptness of Gita for the current times, etc. Towards the end of the meet, everyone was asked to write their thoughts on the topic - 'Taking Gita as the base, let's change the current times'. Then everyone read what they had written. They were about to leave. Kajal bhabhi and Kunal bhai invited them to have pav bhaji. Maddy was happy and was feeling nostalgic about the pav bhajis which he used to eat in Sus-Phasan road, Pune.

The next week was hectic. Maddy woke up late on Saturday. Passed time surfing internet. Around 5:30 PM, Yogesh called Maddy and asked Maddy about his availability for the Gita Jayanti. They were supposed to start to Glendale by 6:00 PM. Maddy asked for 30 minutes so that he can get ready. By the time, he was about to leave, he saw Rakesh returning home from Artesia. There you go, Rakesh joined them. They reached the place by 6:15 PM. Boy, Maddy was taken aback. 35-40 people were out there. People aging from 10 - 60 were there in that home. He has never seen such a crowd for quite sometime in a single place (spare official meetings).

Maddy found a small place in a corner only. He went there and happily sat. Then he came to know that the speakers will speak from near that corner. Kunal bhai told that crowd not to clap hands as he told them that the speech is like Bhajan. 4-5 speakers spoke. Most of them spoke in Hindi and its sister languages. Yogesh spoke about "iPhobia" (iPhone, iPod, etc..). Suddenly, Maddy was told that he has to speak after the current speaker. No preparation.. Varied audience.. Spiritual topic.. The stage was set.

Maddy addressed that gathering with a shocker telling that that Gita is one of the sacred books that helps us out just like Quran or Bible. Then he followed with a disclaimer saying that he has neither read Gita nor other sacred books and so his speach might not be relevant. He was a bit scared to start off with such a note infront of pro-Hindu believers.
  • Be unselfish. You brought in nothing and take away nothing. It is pretty easy to say so. Atleast, small steps towards this should be taken.
  • Gita will be your answer to confusions. Knowledge leads towards truth as well as creates confusion at times. Arjuna was confused. So are many people. Arjuna got rid off as mentioned Gita. So will those many people if you happen to get to follow the the stuff mentioned in Gita.
  • Gita also highlights different yogas, which is a really good concept. The four yogas are Bakthi, Karma, Raja, Gnyana yogas. More that one yoga can be performed concurrently. God is the only person who can perform all four at the same time.

phew.. The speach was over. Bhajans were sung. Dholak was there. Maddy enjoyed singing Bhajans after nearly 8 years. Kunal bhai and Kajal bhabhi were generous enough to serve refreshments to the crowd. Some aged people appreciated Maddy about his addressing to the public. He was in cloud nine.

Then he went out for a walk in the streets of Glendale along with a desi gang. He just loves Glendale. Such a lovely place. Some kids of Indian origins were there in the gang. They were "chirpping" a Tamil song (Devuda Devuda) from Rajini Kaanth's movie (Chandramukhi) and asked him the meaning of the same. That made him even more happier.

Maddy realized that when there is love, language or anything is never a barrier. There could never have been a better Saturday night. God thanks for that blissful event that Maddy experienced.

Monday, August 25, 2008

New perspectives on God

Yesterday, Maddy drove to Orange city to meet his friend B Arun. The family greeted him warmly, and spoke with him in Tamil. ah! Their house was a beautiful one. Maddy thought if he should make a home and settle in Orange county.

Before reaching Pasadena, he drove to Calabassas right from Artesia. It was around 6:15 PM when he reached Calabassas Hindu temple. He felt happy to see lot of deities. Lord Shiva made him speechless.

The next day (today), he was shifted to Kartick's location. Maddy was thrilled with the very happening after the visit to temple. Maddy always believes and sees these deities as living people and converse with them as he does with other people. He has very high regards to these deities.

On his discussion with his college buddy Aruntamil, he heard some philosophical lines - 'I do not believe in God. But, I believe in the belief of God. [?] We call things that we do not understand as God'. phew!

He checked his mails. Ed, in her morning mail, quoted some beautiful lines about God - 'Happy moments, praise God. Difficult moments, seek God. Quiet moments, worship God. Painful moments, trust God. Every moment, thank God'.

Just kept wondering on how different people view God. Shivaya Namah!

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Growth in progress

Today, Maddy celebrated his birthday in Pasadena. He turns 25. J

It was around 11:30 PM on August 20, 2008. Maddy was sleeping well. He got a call. Some lady's voice in the opposite end. A familiar one. But he could not recognize it. Then instantly, it striked that she was Ed (Edrea). My God! pleasant surprise to him. She greeted him. So kind of her. He had to disconnect the call and proceed to the main hall. The celebrations at home started midnight along with Rakesh, Pradyumna, Sabeer, Vivek, and Xavier. There was a cake cutting ceremony during midnight. Rakesh did the facial. Xavier and Rakesh toned Maddy's body. Maddy wanted to thank all people who shared happy moments of his life.


Thursday, August 14, 2008

Ray of hope

Maddy has got hope that his bad times are gonna end. He has had enough with it. He was pressed hard emotionally, physically, and financially. Now, things are shaping up positive.

August 16 - 'ah!' that marks the end of his sufferings and the beginning of a new life. He is sure that he will regain his lost vigor and zeal. This time, he will have not only his old qualities like tirelessness, perfection, precision, and unquenchable knowledge-thirst but also his newly cultured qualities like humility and consideration of others.

I am very positive about the fact that world will see a hybrid Maddy evolving from the ashes. I am sure that it might take a while to be 100% but the first 80% is gonna be quiet fast. August 16 will see a new India and a new Maddy.

God Bless! Sivaya Namaha!

BTW - இனிய விடுதலைத் திருநாள் நல்வாழ்த்துக்கள்!!!

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Successful endeavor

Maddy has successfully driven 210 miles last Thursday.

He drove to Fontana to get pictures of the crashed car. He was scared on entering Fontana. The city was dull and looked like a cemetery. He reached the place somehow and saw the car. It was shocking to see the car. He took pictures and started driving towards Newport Beach. On the way, he had his lunch in Corona. It struck to him that investing in Corona is a wise thing. Corona is developing. He met Sarika in Newport Beach and completed his work there. Then he drove to Whittier and settled his hospital bills.

On the way, he got a call from Deepak. Deepak advised him to call Kaushik. Kaushik told Maddy that 8/8/8 was Maddy's last day in Raj's team. Kaushik further told Maddy that he will play Kartick's role and told that he has got only one day for getting the KT. Maddy was taken aback. Thousands and thousands of lines of code to be grasped in a single day. phew! God bless him. After hearing the news, he co-ordinated with Kartick for the next day's KT and then proceeded towards Norwalk.

He met his school buddy (B. Arun Kumar) and his mom in Norwalk theatre complex. What a surprise! He was planning to meet them for more than a year and never did it materialize. He was so happy to meet them. His mom took them to the temple. God, he felt blessed to see Nava Grahas and Shiva out there. She helped him get rice, daal and atta.

Later, he had pani puri and channa bhatura at Ambala Sweets along with them, Artesia. He thanked aunty for taking him to those places. Then, he drove to the Norwalk square to watch Kuselan. He was impressed in art-direction right from the beginning. The emotions were fantastically captured in the movie. He felt like a bliss when Hariharan & Sujatha sang "Sollamma". The acting crew and the camera crew did justice to that beautiful song. All has end well.

He returned Pasadena safely. All are His blessings. Thanks Almighty.









Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Carnatic MIDI Player

Maddy has built a new MIDI player for his friend Prabhu. He has exposed the MIDI (musical instrument digital interface) support in windows multimedia dll (winmm.dll) using .NET. The program needs atleast .NET 2.0 runtime. Windows vista should be able to run the program without any tweak.

The player has two modes - a single swara mode (can be useful for Shruti tuning) and swara malai mode. In the swara malai mode, the notes are picked from a text file. The player can play 128 instruments. By default, the player plays violin.

He has employed a notation similar to the anglised Carnatic notation. For example, say the aarohanam of Mayamalavagowlai can be as follows: S;R1;G3;M1;P;D1;N3;S^;

Except for Shadjam and Panchamam, all other swaras are represented as two letters as per the sthana. Further ^ is used for one stayi higher, _ is used for one stayi lower, + is used for faster phase, and . (dot) is used for slower phase.

B can used for a blank or pause, if a mute is needed in the swara malai mode. He has spent around 30-35 hours over the past 1.5 weeks building the application. Thanks to him.

Ofcourse, for tech savy people, this application might appeal bacause of multithreading (to achieve responsive UI) and dynamic control creation in the instrument selection page.

Though the application is simple, it is powerful and it will have the touch of a technology specialist in building windows applications.

It will be good for music learners. He wanted to thank Rocky (Rakesh) for helping him in making a decision about the musical notation. He wanted to thank Prabhu who introduced him to Carnatic music.

Mail me if you are interested in getting the player from Maddy.

Monday, August 4, 2008

Will everything turn alright?

Well, August 5 is nearby. The peak of Maddy's bad times is about gonna vanish very soon.

He has planned to drive after a long time. Yes, this Tursday (08/07/2008) he has plans to drive around 150 miles. His leave got approved by Subham.

Let's hope for the best.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Scary incident in LA area

It was around 11:42 AM. The lunch time was nearing. Maddy was very hungry and was eagerly anticipating the break. thud... thud.. thud.. What is happenning? Was he in a roller coaster or is it the car accident? Perplexed by the situation he looked at Gulshan and Gulshan looked at him from his cabin. They were shaking. It is an earthquake!

The shake calmed down in the next 2-3 seconds. Again, a much higher shake. My God! Raj, Gulshan and Maddy came out of their places. Another one hit this time. The building was shaking like a rubber ball. Maddy was thinking of how to get out from the sixth floor. He was praying the almighty. People realised that that was an quake. The afterquake effects left shaking the massive building. Some people out there were "happily" curious and exclaimed that it is not still over.

Scared Maddy felt the quake abating and started running to the stairs. Siddharth, Tushar and Venkat were along with him. They reached the ground floor and then realised that the are in the wrong stair wheel. They ran to the first floor and then alighted via the proper stair wheel this time. phew! They were safe out. Man, Maddy was having the same fear that happened during the car crash. In Tamil they use to call it 'மரண பீதி' (fear of death). Usually, you won't know what to do at that time.

The fear of death is a state were you are in a state of flux. He thanked Heavens and God for being kind enough the second time. Maddy had his lunch in the soup plantation and returned to work. Ken showed him news in cnn. This quake was reported to be of magnitute 5.4 by the USGS. Thanks to the quake resistant stuctures built out in California. God Bless Everyone.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Helpful non-living things

Maddy has had enough troubles from both non-living things and living things. The things that are soothing him now are his new iPOD, his Bose QC3 and his new Canon 850IS. He expects his time to change good, around August 31. Hopefully, he will spend his bad times with these beautiful things.

Bad times

Maddy is very much worried nowadays. He does not know if there is some real importance to horoscope. He was told that he is having Saturn in his moon sign. He can clearly see effects of it.

Life threatening accident, hospital bill, doctor bill, X-ray bill, ambulance bill, car insurance settlement, health, follow-up consultations, driving history retrieval, and what not? Poor guy, he has gone into his own shell. Neither is his parents are near him nor does he have any gf. He's got lots of responsibilities in a foreign nation with his sufferings.

He has started feeling friction with his helpful roommate. Some of his "very" close friends have started behaving strangely. Now, he started recollecting things that he heard about his horoscope earlier this year. It was mentioned that he will face unbearable turmoil during the mid-year. That is evident from the above mentioned facts.

Boy, he had been a very strong man, both mentally and physically. Now, he has turned into a timid and diffident fellow. Now, he has made a decision to go on vacation asap near his parents for healing his damage (emotional & physical). He is going to meet the ortho to ask if he is eligible for short-term disability benefits. If found ineligible, he will be going on loss of pay. :(

I heard him say, "If it has to happen, it will happen to anyone". God bless him and let him recover from his bad times soon.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Got the Bose QC3

Maddy has got his long dreamt Bose QC3 headphones. Worth every dollar spending on it. He started his musical journey with his QC3 hearing 'Aalala Kanda' rendered by MSV and Hariji. May his journey continue happily.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

June ponaal July Katre

After a very happy vacation in India, Maddy reached Los Angeles airport. He was allowed inside after the formalities at the immigration desk. The first thing that he did was to catch a Blue Van to Pasadena.

He reached Pasadena at around 1:30 PM local time. He was fully exhausted and was at the height of drowsiness. He managed to sleep at around 6.30 PM all days, till that weekend. He dropped his plan of driving to Malibu Venki temple, that weekend.

He was very eager to watch Dasavadharam. He booked ticket for him and his friend (college friend @ Irvine) on June 13. He had to drive around 40 miles to his friends residence. The theatre is mid way 20 miles. So it was a 60 mile drive one way.

June 13 came and he left his place to pick up his friend. Boy, it was a new city and he knew nothing about the city. Took the driving directions from mapquest and started driving. The freeways were heavily crowded. He reached his friend's residence by 5:10 PM. Alas, the movie tickets were for 5:00 PM show.

They started their journey towards Norwalk (city where the theatre was there). They reached the theatre at around 6 PM. Then went to the person who was giving them the real tickets on the production of the iTicket. He gave them the tickets for the 7 PM show and asked them to recommend their friends for watching the movie.

It was towards the end of the movie that Maddy got a call from his office. It was around 10 PM. There was a message and then his phone was powered down just after hearing the message. Maddy wanted to disseminate the message to his other team member so that his other team member can help out.

He was helpless as all his contacts were in his mobile. He ran to a public telephone, put some quaters and tried reaching his company's help line. Lines were bad. He went to the pizza show which was about to be closed for the day. He requested the people to allow him make a call. He insisted paying money for it. Alas, the people had only a local phone. He hunted for open shops in vain. Saw a starbucks shop. There was a lady inside the closed shop, doing all the packing. She signed negative from inside without even trying to understand what he said.

He went and asked help from the people who where outside the theatre. One gentleman was generous enough to lend his mobile. He tried his company's helpline in vain again. Earlier, the message from his company informed him that they need his help by 11 PM. Maddy was supposed to drop his friend at his residence and return to his home (60 miles). It was around 10:40 PM. He changed his plan and started driving towards his home. He reached his come at around 11:10 PM.

He was locked out. He did not have his key. He rushed to his neighbour, disturbed his neighbour and informed his team member about the situation. His neighbour told to keep the mobile and return it the next morning. When he reached his home again, he found his roommate inside. He took his friend inside the home. He completed his work at around 2 AM. It was decided to drop his friend home the next morning.

The next morning at around 7 AM, they started their journey. They were travelling on 605 S freeway. It happened. Maddy felt his car dragging right from the carpool. He tried controlling it and saw his car spinning towards right away from the carpool. The car hit the curb in the right and started flipping twice outside the roads. It came to a rest suddenly hitting a tree. Bang!!!

Everything happened within few moments. Maddy and his friend were inside the car. It was dusty. Air bag were out. All windows were damaged. They were afraid that the car would burst/catch fire. People came down to rescue. They have to break open the front glass to take them out. "People in America are really kind and helpful." Someone called up 911.

Maddy climbed up 10 feet from his car and was shocked to see the condition of the car (which was a new 2008 Nissan Maxima). The engines and other components have flown all directions. Had there been somebody in the rear, they must have been crushed on the spot. The car was like a torn paper. His friend was lucky to have only scratches. Maddy was feeling okay. When he came out of the car, he was feeling pain in his left shoulder. Man, they are very lucky to be alive after that crash.

Cops arrived promptly. Took the statement. They called up for the ambulance. Maddy and his friend were taken to the Whittier Presbyterian Intercommunity Hospital's Emergency Department. They were tied hard against the stretchers. Boy, Sunday morning at around 9 AM, when most people expect to get up late from their bed, Maddy was in the hospital's room.

X-Rays were taken. He was having enormous pain (he told, it could not be explained by words). In the mean time, he informed his neighbours and his family at India. His mother was worried. She called up Maddy's neighbours at Pasadena and asked for their help. Maddy's entire family kept calling him every 10 minutes. Maddy was also communicating with his neighbours over phone.

At around 11:30 PM, he and his friend were discharged. Maddy was wearing a sling to restrict motions of his left shoulder. He and his friend were hungry. They had a pancake in the hospital's pantry. Maddy saw his neighbours in next 15 minutes. Sabeer, Mahesh, and Rakesh had come all to take him back to Pasadena.

They were very generous enough to drop Maddy's friend at Irvine and take Maddy back to Pasadena. Mahesh brought dosa, Sabeer was driving, and Rakesh was guiding him the way. Maddy was feeling that they were sent by God Himself at that moment. Maddy personally felt that he would be always grateful to all those who gave him the new life.

At Pasadena, he was bed rested for 4 days. He did not know, if it was day or night. He was dosing all time. Rakesh was the person who took care at home. There is no obligation for Rakesh to do anything to a person who is nowhere related to him, other than his work. But he did help Maddy. Lakshmi, Damodar, Meera, Venkat, Subham, Raj, and Mahesh helped him by giving food and made him feel confident. Never will he forget these people's gesture of kindness. God Bless!

Now, after around 3 weeks, Maddy has a bump in his left shoulder. He is praying God to make the bump disappear. Man, shoulder separation is painful. He started reading "Thiruvaasakam". And devoted lot of time worshipping Siva, which had helped him recover quickly with a very small bump (which he assumes will vanish with time). Still he has 10-20% recovery left. He has started feeling light now.

It was June 30. He got to know about his salary hike. Was a surprise to him admist lot of painful events. July 1 began, now he wants to sing the song - "June ponaal July Katre". For people who do not understand Tamil, the line means - "If June goes away, you get July". It is a song sung by a man who has lost his love. But the song is very soothing for people who is recovering from any loss.

It is sure that he will be pre-occupied with Siva's thoughts. But, "June Ponaal July Katre" is a song that is trying to give him a change now. We never know, how various songs suit various different situations, which we have never anticipated. Had the people who have worked behind the song known this, it is sure that they will be happy.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Rapid increase in entropy

Last friday night
Maddy came from office. Somehow, he felt very happy. Yeppe.. weekend has come sort of feeling! He chatted with his roomie Rocky (Rakesh). Earlier that afternoon, he cancelled the trip to Grand Canyon, as he got an assignment from Raj. He cancelled his trip to keep his mind focused. So his friend Niraj was a bit worried as they both planned to drive the 450+ miles. When he pulled off, others have to drop the plan. (How bad!?)

Last saturday
All his roomies went out. MAddy was alone in the home. He felt very lazy. He made batter for preparing thin round wheat bread (chapatti). Then, he went out to Ralphs for getting some vegetables for making the curry. He got a 2L coke can, a Tropicana orange juice pack, and some cut vegetables. After reaching home, he realized that he had left the the vegetables at Ralphs. He felt lazy to get the vegetables from Ralphs as it was around 9 PM. Then he dropped the plan of making chapatti. He prepared banana smootie and ice cream smootie, had them. :(

He had plans to cover 200+ pages in a book and barely managed to cover 70+ pages.

Last sunday
He got up by 10 or so. He had some bread, and juice. The target for this day was to cover the rest of the 200 pages. He was feeling very guilty of the last day, he spent some time in sobre mood hearing sad songs.

Monday morning
He came to office by 8:51 AM this morning (client's new requirement to come before 9:00 AM). He just could not imagine working.


P.S. All these lazy acts and dis-orderliness are indications of something wrong building up.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Thoughts on aggression

Maddy was hearing a Tamil song. It said - 'திக்குசியாய் இல்லாம நீ திக்குசியாய் இருடா'. It literally means - have the fire in you without having fire in you. He was confused. Mystic lines indeed. Let us pause the discussion about these lines for a moment and then get to the main theme of this post.

Maddy had seen many aggressive males. He himself shows aggression sometimes. He started experiencing the negative impact of aggression shown by others. He started analyzing on what was wrong with those males. By then, he knew that something was wrong with those guys. But did not know what was wrong. One fine day his mind told him that that was aggression which he did not like in them. He realized that he himself possesses that trait. He swore on that day to gradually give up aggression. Further he shared me the following thoughts.

Aggression is a negative trait. It results out of self-centrism. There can be many reasons for showing aggression like you want to enforce your thought, you want to meet your guidelines, you want to maximize your profits, etc. On the otherhand, passion is a positive trait. Aggression occurs when a passionate person does not have empathy. One has to be passionate and not aggressive. Both these qualities are of fuming nature.

Further he quoted the first mentioned Tamil line and gave his explanation that - 'Be passionate without being aggressive.'

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Thoughts on nagging and making fun

Maddy was a simple boy till the time he reached college. When he reached NIT Trichy, he came into company of friends where nagging and pulling legs were common. He felt a bit awkward at first. Then he started feeling that it is no harm. Eventually nagging got pronounced whenever he started interacting with others on light matters. It continued even after he became a software professional. Then he realized the following.

Nagging and making fun is a cowardly act to blow up others' inability. It rises out of inferiority complex and ends up in superiority complex. If we closely analyze on the possible causes of this state, we come to know that lack of self-belief, lack of empathy, and lack of acceptance of the truth (esp. when it is against your interests and is for others' interest) as the prime causes. This is not an uncommon thing. It just takes a conscious effort to tell good bye to this habit. This will drive away sarcasm as a bonus.

My wonder, Maddy stopped nagging from then on.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

About Maddy (me)

Maddy was born near Madurai. He did all his schooling in his home town. He was one of the guys who felt that the prescribed syllabus inadequate. He was brought up under the strict vigilance of his parents. He scored well in his 12th grade and graduated from NIT Trichy. He joined a multinational software company, worked hard in Pune, and finally came to USA during the late first quarter of 2007.

He faced enumerous problems right after he left his parents, as his parents literally did everything for him. Now, he proclaims himself free.

I am penning his thoughts here as a third person.